It’s Saturday afternoon, and you’re in a Toys "R" Us with your eight-year-old son evaluating the new stock of Mutant Leader action toys. This has become a part of your weekend routine, especially on rainy days. Besides, in the last two weekends, you’ve met three other bachelor dads at the store, including a guy from work you didn’t even know had been married, let alone a dad.

Your son is agitating about Mutant Leader Gold Edition, a six-inch tall spider-looking thing with gold accents on two of its plastic tentacles. He wants you to buy it for him.

“Dave, can I have this?” he pleads.

You wince. He’s been calling you by your first name for months, having decided for his own unexplained reasons to abandon “Dad.” Your ex thinks this is adorable, and tells you not to make a big deal about it.

Last night, along with millions of other “Walking Dead” fans, I watched the series spin-off, “Fear of the Walking Dead” on AMC.

Here’s what I learned:

  • The spin-off of a massively popular zombie franchise can impose a laughable number of commercial breaks into its inaugural episode, and we the audience will silently sit through them, immobile as the dead, and take it.
  • Heroin addicts in Los Angeles are phenomenally attractive people who look, move and sound eerily like a young Johnny Depp.
  • According to AMC, a blended family in L.A. isn’t Hispanic/White, Hispanic/Black, Hispanic/Korean or even Mexican/Guatemalan. No, “blended” refers to a white woman and a New Zealand guy of Maori descent. In fact, there aren’t any major Hispanic characters in episode 1. Have the producers ever been to L.A.?
  • Unpublished

    Hello, cyber friends. I would like to address something that is causing me great anxiety and has become the bastard child of social media. Now don’t get me right, I love social media. Twitters, The Facebook, Instantgrams, Youporn–they are all amazing and consume just about 90% of my waking hours. However, with the good comes the bad. A dark side of social media has evolved. And I don’t mean FEM/DOMS on Craigslist; I am talking annoyances such as The Poke, Farmville, #VineAfterDark (please don’t look at that), political rants, #blessed humble brags, potty training posts, and so forth. But there is one granddaddy of them all that sucks mud. I am talking about the offspring of asshole and douchebag: The SELFIE

    An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about? " the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up. Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone. The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.

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